Left
by GilmoreGirlAddict
Summary: Zack writes a letter to his father, a heartfelt letter. Based on Emotionless by Good Charlotte.


**Left**

**Summary: **Zack writes a letter to his father, a heartfelt letter. Based on the song "Emotionless" by Good Charlotte.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Suite Life of Zack and Cody or the song "Emotionless" by Good Charlotte.

* * *

Zack sighed. His father had left him years ago, never coming back to see him or Cody. Of course, he had come that once when they were about 13... But that was the last time he could remember his father coming to see him. And Cody.

Tapping his pencil against the wooden desk, Zack tried to think of what to put in his letter. He needed to put everything that he felt inside. He couldn't leave anything out. Kurt had to know what his son had gone through, and all because of the break-up.

_Hey Dad, I'm writing to you, Not to tell you that I still hate you._

'I wonder what Dad feels like inside, how he's dealing with all of this... Must be better than we are, since he's been too busy to come visit in the past four or so years,' Zack thought, starting to write the letter.

_Just to ask you how you feel and how we fell apart, how this fell apart._

For all Zack knew, his father could be anywhere in the world. But he had to take this chance, he had to send this letter out and hope that Kurt got it. But would Kurt even want to hear from Zack? Did he want to know how his family was going without him? Did he even care?

_Are you happy out there in this great wide world? Do you think about your sons? Do you miss your little girl?_

The sun started to set in the horizon, and Zack thought of something else. "Do you even want to know if we're okay? Do you have dreams about us, Dad? About what life could be like, what it should be like?" Tears had filled his eyes by now, as he spoke and wrote the words down at the same time. Who knew that writing to your father could hurt so much?

_When you lay your head down, how do you sleep at night? Do you even wonder if we're alright?_ _But we're alright, we're alright..._

"You never were there, Dad," Zack muttered, writing the words down on the sheet of paper. "You never were there for me, never there to hold me while I was hurt inside. You never cared. You never wanted to care." Tears fell silently down Zack's face and landed on the paper, no matter how hard he tried to keep them from doing so.

_Its been a long hard road without you by my side. Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life. Its not okay, but we're all right._

"You used to be my role model, and Cody's too. You used to be someone we wanted to be exactly like. But not anymore. You've destroyed us, Dad. No longer do we want to be like you. You're like a little memory that nags me, won't go away. A memory that makes me break down, that makes me want to cry. Look at what you've done, Dad!"

_I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes, but those are just a long lost memory of mine. I spent so many years learning how to survive, now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive._

"Mom, Cody and I had to stay on the move all the time," he wrote, still speaking the words as he wrote, not aware of Cody and Carey listening at the door, hearing all of the words that he spoke and knowing that it was hurting him inside. "We lived off of frozen food or fast food, or whatever we could get a hold on. The winters were tough, too, Dad. They were freezing. The mobile home that we lived in then... It had no heater, or air conditioning. I hated you then, Dad. I'm still not happy, but I don't hate you anymore. But you hurt us, Dad. You hurt us."

_The days I spent so cold; so hungry, were full of hate, I was so angry. The scars run deep inside this tatooed body, There's things I'll take to my grave, but I'm okay, I'm okay._

"Look, Dad, you hurt us all. There were all those father-son days at school, that Cody and I had to go through alone. We told the other kids you were a rockstar and couldn't come, but they didn't believe us. Couldn't you have come to at least one of those? And then, those nights... I could hear Cody crying, and I wanted to cry myself. But I couldn't. Dad, I'm the older twin. I've always had to stay strong for Mom, and for Cody. I couldn't let them down like you had let us down. I just couldn't, Dad. I couldn't, and I still can't. I never will."

_Its been a long hard road without you by my side. Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life_

"But Dad, without you, we've formed our own little family. It's not much, Dad, but it gets us through. People we can count on. There's Mom and Cody, and me, of course. But then there's Maddie, who's the candy counter girl; there's London, who's the heiress to the Tipton; there's Esteban, who's a bellhop; there's Moseby, and I know that, though he gets mad at me and Cody alot, he'll always be there for us. We're doing alright, Dad, but it still hurts to know you gave up on us. We used to look up to you, Dad. We thought you'd always be there."

_Its not okay, but we're alright. I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes, but those are just a long lost memory of mine, now I'm writing just to let you know im still alive, and I'm still alive._

"Dad, I just want to let you know... I miss you, Dad. I really miss you. I hate to say it, but I miss you. I feel so weak and vulnerable telling you this, Dad. But... even though you hurt us, Dad, I'll always love you. You're my father." Zack sighed, the tears pouring from his eyes and splattering across the bottom of the paper, where there wouldn't be any words.

_And sometimes I forgive. Yeah, and this time, I'll admit, that I miss you, said I miss you._

Zack took a deep breath, calming himself down before continuing. "There were all those days, Dad. All those days that I just wanted to give up on life, knowing that you weren't going to help me through, that you weren't going to comfort me. Knowing that everything was already going wrong, so why bother continuing?"

_Its been a long hard road without you by my side. Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life._ _It's not okay, but we're all right._

"Sometimes, Dad, I remember those days, way back then, four or so years ago... And I remember you then. So funny, so happy... So playful. So loving. You actually cared for me and Cody, back then. But things have changed now, huh? You don't care anymore. You don't."

_I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes, but those are just a long lost memory of mine, now I'm writing to just let you know that I'm still alive._

"Sometimes I hope that you'll come back, running into our arms, letting us forgive you and letting you come back. Letting you be a part of our family again. But that'll never happen. It's just a fantasy."

_And sometimes I forgive, and this time, I'll admit, that I miss you,I miss you. Hey Dad..._

"Sometimes, Dad, when Cody's asleep... I'll just lay there and cry. I can't do it while he's awake, I have to be strong for him, unlike you. Remember? But why'd you have to leave us all alone?" Zack folded the letter, then stuck it in an already-addressed envelope, sealing it together and then leaning back in his chair, eyes shut and just crying. He didn't know that Cody and Carey had been listening in. He hugged them both back when they entered the room and gave him big hugs, making sure that he knew everything would be okay.


End file.
